Simply Me

School is about to over and summer is on its way here.

Finally we have decided to go away ... ✈✈✈London and Paris. No, not London, Ontario. Not Paris, Ontario. We are going to EUROPE! I'm so excited, I have butterlies in my stomach... Paris is a place where I longing to go.

Paris, here I come!

bb is having a play date today.
when K text me a week ago about S wants to come over on Easter Monday, i was so excited... when i told bb about S coming to play with him on easter monday, he wasn't as excited as i expected. he looked serious.
"mommy, you know, we have a lot of things planned for the long weekend. we are going to be busy. i don't think it's good idea S coming over."
I was shock, "hmm...don't you always wanted to have S coming over?"
"yes, but, we have works to do... math, piano...and...ya."
"aww, darling. ok, how about you have fun with S and we do the works after?"
"oh, ok!"
my baby has grown up :D

this long weekend, everyone is driving south of the border for deals. thank goodness we were going on Saturday, obviously less crowded but still a lot of people... we stopped at a couple of stores and then left... i lost the shopping mood when there are crowds.

i think the best deals i got from this trip was from Ralph Lauren factore outlet - on top of additional 30% off the lowest ticket price, i got a coupon of 20% off entire purchase... i gave T the big eye, that was the best deal i ever got from this store, too bad i got nothing for myself.

when we came back, we stopped at eaton center where i picked up this outfit... love it!

today is good friday. long waited holiday since family day in february. alarm went off at usual time 6:30 *sad* everyone get to sleep in but me. gotta be at my doctor office before 7am...

as i was driving, the surrounding was unusually calm on friday morning. not a single soul on the street. no hustle bustle. of cos, long weekend, everyone is still curled inside the warm duvet making up the lost hours from work/school days.

my doctor's office is just 3 traffic lights away, i'm taking my sweet time driving and looking at the surrounding... snow on the curb slowly melting away, tree starts to bud... spring has sprung!

Happy Easter!

i have been away for a while... ok, a very long time. now, i'm back!

宝宝病了好几天，发高烧，喉咙发炎。虽然热已退了，但是咳嗽却没见好转。一到晚上咳嗽更加利害：(
当孩子生病，做父母的更加辛苦。这几天，精神紧张，睡不好，颈部的肌肉很紧， 结果早上在公司不小心拉伤。痛死我了:'( 可真是祸不单行。唉~~

Last night, we were making valentine's card for Ryan's classmate. It was a last minutes project. Because mom forgot to buy cards from the store, oops!!

A week ago, Mrs. Wakefield sent home a name list. Everytime i saw the list it reminds me to get Valentine's card for all the kids. Guess what, i never did remembered. Well, it's good though, at least we made something so unique yet so lovely on this special day!

I cutted out 16 heart-shaped pink scrap papers and glued on lollipop sticks. Ryan was putting colorful heart foams and stickers on the card. It was simple but I think it's very nice. Too bad I didn't take picture of our hand made card.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!!!

Lately, whenever your turn on the TV, radio, newspaper, it displays Japan disastrous earthquakes/tsunami and nuclear crisis. It's depressing to learn about the disaster happening in Japan. For this reason, I play only CD in the car since last Friday.
Look, what has the world come down to? I cannot take it anymore!
 
On Tuesday, I ordered 4 books from Amazon.com, two of which are Diary of A Wimpy Kid. I know Wimpy Kid series are for someone under 18. But who cares, it's funny, it makes me laugh. I highly recommend adult to read if your frame of mind needs an instant boost.   
 
I must confess I spend far too much time on internet. In the office, I'm in front of my computer all day. After work, you will still see me carrying my iPhone and iPad around the house. Sometime, my phone, iPad and laptop lie on my bed till I fall asleep. Can I live without internet? ehh…mmm…hmmm… I don’t know?
 
To promote the reading environment at home, I should start picking up books. I (used to) love to read, but I have no time for it now. Excuses. I know, I know. I need to make time to read. Ryan loves to read. No, he loves to listen when we read to him. Every night, he wants at least 2 books and 3 audio books. Someday, I just too tired to read to him. I know that's bad, I shouldn't turn him down, i shouldn't discourage him.
 
I like reading books by Malcolm Gladwell. As I grow older, I don’t like reading fiction books anymore. My preference has switched to non-fiction book. At book store, ,my choices are within inspirational and motivational books, baking books. As youngster, this type of book is just too boring and dull. Only novel, comic and fiction books appeal to me at that time.
 
I was browsing on Amazon, out of my curiosity, I want to know if they sell Chinese book. I search the word 'Chinese', hoping to see some nice Chinese books. Instead, I found an English book written by a Chinese, the title caught my eyes - "Chinese Cinderella: A True Story of an Unwanted Girl" by Adeline Mah-Yeh.  
 
Couldn't find it in any bookstores here, I bought the e-book. It's a good book to read but it's a little depressed too. I now looking for the next book from this author, her memoir, Fallen Leaves.
 
 

I like talking with Ryan on the phone. He sounds so cute on the phone. I wonder why it's different in person?


This is how he starts when he get the receiver, "yes, mommy… Mommy… blah-blah-blah… start telling me whatever is in his mind, totally ignore what I'm saying on the other end. And pass it away once he thinks he is done with his talking.


Yesterday, first day of his March Break staycation with daddy, I call to talk to him in the mid morning, he was eating his breakfast…
"Yes, mommy" with his cute voice. Ohh, I just love to hear his voice on the phone.
He continues, "mommy, one second".
I was waiting.
Then daddy laughs and answers the phone, "he is busy eating his breakfast, he is done talking to you".
He actually put the phone away and continue eating.
"What? I haven't even started".


Today, he and Tony running some errands. I call him at home. "Yes, mommy". This is his starting line.
"I'm doing my Abacus right now".
"Oh mommy, I got this REALLY BIG toy, from this place…"


When he was younger, before 2, he used to like to pick up my cellphone and put it behind his ear, "alo? alo?"


As he grows a little bigger, "halo? OK. Bye bye".

I thought I had received the best gift ever.

A week before Christmas, I was told I was pregnant. That news was the best Christmas and birthday gift to me. I called it the gift from Heaven!

I was very careful: I walk slow, I move slow, I eat healthy, I quit drinking both tea and coffee, I stop carry Ryan… I was so happy. I kept remind myself to be extra careful from the lesson I learned previously and superstitious reason I didn't tell anyone about the good news other than my family and Adeline. Adeline is the first to learned the good news. Everyone was very happy for me and Tony.

I wanted to share the good news with Val. Then I decided wait till the holiday is over when things are more stable.

Christmas holiday is fast approaching. I was thrill, I get to enjoy the quietness of 2 weeks staycation. My holiday start Dec 23. We don't have special plans for the holiday, except we're hosting two parties at home.

Tony invites his staff over on Dec. 27. The day before the party, I started the preparation. On Dec. 27, I was busy in the kitchen since morning. I stop from what I was doing when a friend visited me. While sitting in the dining room with him teaching me about W&WW stuff, there was a strange feeling inside me.

After V left, I continue working in the kitchen, put the strange feeling behind my head. I was on my feet all day, climbing up and down the stool. I'd done a lot of things that I shouldn't have done during the critical period.

While party reached the height of the night, I start to feel uncomfortable. I went to washroom, and there was spotting. I quickly went back to my room, get change and put my feet up. I start getting worried.

I couldn't rest. I fell into a deep fog of anxiety. Lying down on bed with my iPad reading about forum regarding miscarriage. In my heart, I was praying, please GOD, please don't take it away from me, again. PLEASE DON'T! DON'T GIVE ME HOPE AND TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME SO QUICKLY! DON'T HURT ME TWICE!! I promise I stay away from kitchen, from baking. Uncontrolled flow of tears wet the pillow.

Next day, thing got worsen. Tony rush me to ER. Sitting alone on the chair looking at the sick people in and out the room. ER of MSH is no stranger to me. In the past two years, I have been visited ER like a regular customer.

Did my blood work, ultrasound… HCG level remains high. Due to the early stage of the pregnancy, they couldn't detect heart beat. From the research I did, as long as the HCG level stay high, hope remains.

Another day past, no sign of improvement. My tummy started to cramp. The worst has arrived, cramping with bleeding is definitely not a good sign. All my hopes were dropped to point zero. Dr. Pyselman office still closed for holiday. I went to ER once again. Repeating yesterday test. No exact answer of whether I still pregnant. I didn't wait for the reports cos I know it's already over.

I was on bed all day for a week. Someday, I still keep the hope, hoping for miracles.

Jan 3, Carrie called me from Dr. Pyselman office. "I'm sorry, Alice. The result doesn't look too good. Your HCG level dropped 30% in just a day…"

Jan 4, see Dr. Pyselman. I told her I blame myself cos I was overworked on the day before bleeding. She look at me and said, "think of women around the world who tries to abort the baby, no matter what they did, they just cannot get rid of it…" "is there still hope?" "well… let's do the ultrasound. But looking at the decrease of your HCG level, I'm not positive" **sob** I know, I just trying to give myself hope.

Jan 5, did ultrasound. My favourite sonographer of Dr. Pyselman. A middle age East European lady, decent and soft voiced lady. When she saw me, she asked for Ryan. I know she's trying to find a topic to cheer me up. She remember Ryan as a very good boy. 2 years ago, I had an ultrasound appointment but I have to bring Ryan along. There is a rule in ultrasound room, no kid under 12 allow in the room. She wasn't very happy to see me carried a toddler into the room. I reassurance her Ryan is very good, he won't disturb. She was impressed with him cos she never seen a child that young quietly sitting on the chair without trouble.

As she started talking to me, my tears flow…I remember vividly on Monday, August 31, 2009 afternoon, I was in the same room with her… "it's a boy". I heard her but I didn't give her any response. She looked at me and repeat, it's a boy. I response softly, I know. I told her the strange pain I experienced. Every night, at around 2p.m. a very strange pain kept me up. At first she told me, nothing wrong. Then, she paused, her eyes stared at the monitor. She went out to get Dr. Pyselman. My heart sink.

I was sent home to rest while she is going to bring my case to her colleague in downtown and was told to come back in 3 days. That evening, I was sitting in the living room, replying Adeline email. When I got up, a gust of water wet my pant. Nightmare started. I was rush to ER for the first time. At the ER, I was put on bed and hooked up with IVs. I was scared, worried, and helpless. I couldn't help myself but sob.. I still feel his movement as I rub my tummy. "Baby, stay strong. Mommy's here."

Clock is ticking, no one attends to me. I started to bleed and the blood seep all over my gown and bed. A nurse came to me and told me to prepare for the worst. I broke down into tears. I held her hand, "please do something to save my baby".

I was pushed into a familiar room. The last time I was in this room was when Ryan was born. It was the joyous moment. Today, I'm here again with completely different experience. Everyone was tired. Ryan didn't know what was going on, he knows mommy is in a lot of pain. He dare not go near my bed. In the wee hour, he slowly climbed up to my bed and slept beside me.

The fetal movement has slowly stopped. "Please baby, please don't leave mommy". Helpless. It was hurting to see my baby slowly died inside me and I'm not able to do anything to help. It was the worst experience ever. Everything happen too quickly.

Dr. Arnold sat down by my bed, with gentle voice, we chatted for a while, he planted a tiny hope in me. That night was long and dark. I heard baby cries coming from next door. New arrival to the world. I'm sure that room is filled with joyous, contradict with the environment in my room.

Next morning, I was wheeled to the ultrasound room. The technician silently stared at the monitor, she left the room, came back with a radiologist announced the bad news. My tears burst out like a broken dam.

That morning, Dr. Virro induced me. The worst part is I had to gone through the whole labor process, the same familiar contraction that every new mom experience. The only different is, after the labor pain, instead of new life, I gave birth to an angel.

My angel, Riley was born on September 1, 2009.

上星期五，我请了一天假去YR面试。
面试时间2pm.
早上9am, 送宝宝去上学后，便去找Mina做脸。做好脸后快12pm. 问Mina,我的头发行不行？她建议我去修剪发尾。她是形象设计师，听她不会错。
时间很紧，飞车到Flora那里，怎么搞的，星期五上午也这么多人。不能等。我兜过前面一排店，去Tony以前office隔壁的理发店，怎知他们搬了。搬去隔几间。如果不是赶，我才不会上那家，因为之前有过 bad experience. 心想，修发尾不会太大分别。推门进去，一个胡须老在帮一个男子剪，另一个胖子出来望着我. Dude,剪发！他问我要找那个师父。随便啦，赶时间。洗头先。Nooooooo...赶时间！
都不知他是不是学徒。修发尾大半小时还没搞不好。
气死人，花了20元剪了个不三不四的头发。我一年都没花20元剪发。在Flora那，剪一次才5元。从此 boycott 这家！
飞车回家，冲凉、换衣、化妆，出门。心情开始紧张，没胃口吃东西。看看钟，天呀！一点多了，急死了！还不懂怎么去那里。今天气温直升10度，飞速很高，决定驾MDX北上。从来都没去过Newmarket, 设了GPS. 哇呀！快一点半了，半小时都不知会不会到。冲上高速。着急死了。
幸好不难找，到达那里还有五分钟。松了一口气。
和柜台的女子说我是来面试的，她向我要文凭副本。这么奇怪的，从来没试过面试要交文凭副本。
正式面试开始，里面有三个人：之前的经理，现在acting女经理，人事部的小姐。更奇怪的是，他们三人轮流问问题，搞到我头晕。大约40分钟就结束。
如果二个星期内有答复就有机会。keep my finger cross!
面试后，Vin 带我去参观他的office. 哇，好大，好喜欢YR 的office. 比我们city hall 还好看！

After disconnect from here, I thought I'd just concentrate on my food blog, but maintaining passion-of-baking requires a lot of effort. I'm so behind my food blog :( and cannot keep up with my baking. So, I decided to re-open simply-me. As I realize I need a channel to express myself, a channel to bitch about life, a channel to share...

My dear friends:

Sadly, I have to announce the closing of this blog. Thank you very much for your faithfulness in following my blog.

I now introduce another blog to you, http://passion-of-baking.blogspot.com
here i will be posting yummy baking. No more bitching about weather, my work....

Please continue to follow my unprofessional food blog.

with loves and hugs
Al

Finally.... my passion-of-baking blog is up and running.
I promised many of my fb friends to post recipes on the blog,  I manage to post two macarons recipes on it
http://passion-of-baking.blogspot.com/
I'd been sick for the last two weeks and still not fully recover yet.
Now I know why most stay-home-moms have nice food blog. Maintaining an up-to-date decent blog requires loads of effort and time.
Anyway, I tell myself I can do better. I know I'm so far behind, I have a few more recipes order on my list... gotta work harder. I can do it!! Yes, I can!!!

I promised a few friends to post the requested recipes on my blog but I haven't got a chance to sit down infront of my computer to work on my newly created blog. I hope they're not mad at me just yet.

**sorry**

This weekend, I have a long to-do list. Too many things to do, too little time:
4 recipes to try.
3 jobs opening to apply.
2 loads of laundry.
1 pile of cloth to iron.

I hope you all will hang on and bear with me, as I will get things sorted out!

Those who lives up north waking up with snow on the ground this morning. Weird eh? Winter not arriving until end of December… yesterday, I offered a ride to the new girl in our office. We were talking about how we ended up in one of the coldest place in this planet. I told her I love this country accept for winter, well, actually I do love winter just not the cold.
I find that living in this country, you gotta master some surviving skills.
Surviving rule #1: know the weather before head out the door. You don't want to find yourself overdress or underdress. During summer months, sitting at the patio, sipping ice cold drink while people watching, you will find interesting stuff: there are people in half naked outfit, there are people in sweatpant and Ugg. I know, it is to that extreme. Yet, in cold day, you see people in flip-flop and short, or in down jacket.

What am I doing here at 4pm, sitting in front of Apple Store and drink Timothy's？**sighs**
Answer: I'm mobility-less.

My car is at the basement having a 45 bucks spa **ouch**. I never been to any spa myself **sob**.
Well, he desperately needs a thorough clean, inside and out. Last week, I killed 2 spider in my car!!!!!!!!!! A total of 3 in the past two weeks! This morning, when I open the door, I saw spider web inside the car. This mean the unwelcome guest still inside my car. I stood outside the car looking around trying to track him down. Ryan called out, mommy, I'm cold. It's only 5 degree this morning, I can't let Ryan catch the cold. Buckle him up, I walk to my driver side, tap the ceiling, not that I want the little creature to fall down, I just don't want him to fall on me while I was driving on the highway. As I was driving, I dare not look around, I don't want to spot the black little creature. On the way to office, my legs felt numb at time. My office is not 5km or 6km away, it's 65km away, plus, I need to drop off Ryan. I spent a good one and half hours in the car before I get out of the car.

My deal with Mr. Spider is, as long as he and his gang stay out of sight while I was in there, I don't care if he want to have party. He broke the rule, he left something behind.

I told Tony, Halloween is approaching, that's why spiders gone wild!!!

Another summer gone.

It's Friday. Unlike any Friday, our office on long weekend Friday is unusually quiet. This weekend is the last long weekend before summer ends and before kids go back to school. So, people are taking full advantage of it.

I have to go back to office, cos I don't have any vacation days left. I'd used up all my vacation days travelling to China, HK, Sg and M'sia. At the office, only a few of us, very quiet. I have lunch on my desk, and play the 'jewel' games on iPad.

Time crawling slowly, I was falling asleep, so I went to cafeteria. No one there, some newspaper lying on the table, I pick up one to read. Someone came in, I didn't lift up my head. Then, something smell good, it was Tom, he is heating up the Perogies. Even he says the office is as quiet as the library.

I can't wait to go home at 3.30 p.m. We are going to Rama later.