Simply Me

Well, Vivian didn't call me back until 12.30pm. I ended up going with Valeriya. We decided to do some shopping before lunch, as usual.

We went to Square One, the shopping mall that we frequent almost every lunch break. Every stores are packed with shopper including our favourite restaurant, Lemon Grass. I just don't understand why, it's not like we (Canadian) are having Black Friday*. We ended up picking up lunch at Rich Tree, I ordered a Meatball Rosti to go.

Today I don't have the mood to say, TGIF! I feel gloomy and dispirited, totally opposite from my yesterday high-spirited mood. The unexplained mood swings hit me again. I don't blame myself, I still let my body does whatever it needs to bring me back my normal self. Almost 3 months now, but it seems like long past. Ever since, my emotion has been roller coaster ride. It scared me sometime.

I seek help: I talk to the social worker, I talk to my family doctor. My doctor told me not to worry, because it takes sometime for my body to be back to its normal state. When a woman get pregnant, her hormone upsurge. When she lost the baby, the hormone just dropped significantly. With the peaks and valleys hormone waves, her body needs a great deal of time to make the adjustment.

The most noisier corner of the office seems pretty dead this morning. Some taking day off, some at the meeting... Whenever I having a bad day, I'll just walk to Joe's cubicle and say, "Joe Hamilton..." he looks up without saying anything, his facial expression will put smile on my face, and light up my mood. Too bad, he is taking off when I desperately need him.

Hopefully after lunching with Vivian, I'll feel better. But she didn't pick up her phone and didn't answer my email...don't know where she is.

I know I need a good lunch, I know for sure a good lunch will brighten me up.

Perhaps, my Blue Day Book will help...

Ha, finally, finished up my EA report **yippee** Though, there is still some loose end to take care but that was a big step toward my 'goal'.

I usually finish work at 3.30pm. Today is exception, at 5pm I'm still in the office, slurping the chicken noodle soup for dinner **pathetic** It's so quiet, I never know our office can be dead silence. There are only the three of us here - my manager, supervisor and myself. We are having a Public Information Center tonight. Guess what, I volunteer to stay back. The reason being that my 'goal' needs me to acquired experience in PIC. Thus, it actually benefit myself **snob**

After finishing our convenient dinner, we walked to the City Hall where the PIC took place. It's so dark outside, only 6pm but it feels like 9pm.

The PIC is in Community Room C, Dave and Greg, the consultant already there and there is this young Chinese girl sitting in the room. Apparently she is student of U of Toronto. She asks a lot of questions, pretty annoying. Some of her questions are pretty stupid.

Most of the attendees are U T students, taking pictures of the display boards and taking notes... whole bunch of suckers for extra credit in school...keke

I left at 8pm, the PIC was supposed to end at 9pm. I can't stand any longer, I was sitting there doing nothing other than yawning from boredom. The stuffy air in the room makes me sick.

While driving home, my tummy was grumbling... I had curry chicken and rice for late night supper, jeez, hopefully I won't get upset stomach.

Good night, everyone!

Everyone has blue days. These are miserable days when you feel lousy, grumpy, lonely, and utterly exhausted. Days when you feel small and insignificant, when everything seems just out of reach... On blue days you feel like you're floating in an ocean of sadness. You're about to burst into tears at any moment and you don't even know why... You're not sure how much longer you can hang on, and you feel like shouting, "Will someone please shoot me!" (with you arms open wide)... ...

We are surrounded with nothing but sad, bad, depressed news everyday. The entire world is under the evil sovereignty, only God brings us hope, happiness, and the strength to move forward.
I pass by airport everyday. This morning on Hwy 401, as I approaching airport, I start to develop goosebumps (雞皮疙瘩) all over me. I had this aweful feeling since yesterday. A 15-month-old toddler fell out of her mother arm and landed on the arrival floor (approx. 4 storey high). He died. I was shocked learning about the news. At the same time, my crazy mind trying to picture the horrible scene. **sob**
I cannot see any bad things happen to any young child. They are the most innocent creature, they are God gift... God, please keeps our children safe and sound!

P/S: I'm sorry for those of you who hates sad news...

My radio alarm clock went off at 5.45am, my foggy brain kept negotiating me back to sleep, it’s warm and cozy under the duvet, so I decided to snuggle a little longer. Ohhhh, it’s Monday, if not because I have to get up to work, I will be extremely reluctant to get up. Whether I like it or not, I still need to get up. Monday seems the tougher day of the week. I drag my unwilling body and mind toward the closet, pick up a black skirt and white shirt. I decided to wear skirt today to match the new flat shoes I got on weekend.

After put together the outfit **weird** something wrong with the tops, so I change another white shirt, still doesn’t look so right. I gave up. May be today just isn’t a skirt day. As soon as I removed them, I spotted a cardigan. The cardigan and the skirt are perfect match. Look at the clock **shoot** 6.45am, I still in my room. Darn, I gonna be late to work!

In the office, I have 3 missed calls and 2 voicemail. I don’t usually change my voicemail when I was only away for a couple of days. After checking voicemail, I know I dressed inappropriate for today’s event. I need to meet the biologist and whole bunch of contractors on site for fish rescue.

At 10.30am, I’m out to Sawmill Creek. Park my car on the street, put on the safety boot.

Hauling myself down the path in this heavy safety boot.**retard** I feel like a dumb engineer for making two mistakes. Mistake #1: wardrobe malfunction - wearing skirt and black panty hose with safety boot. Mistake #2: didn't wear hard hat in constriction site.

Speaking of dumb, this is the second time in less than a week I called myself dumb. Last Wednesday, I called a company to clarified a mistake that our secretary made. After placing the call, I told Joe I felt like the brainless secretary who did the real dumb mistake. I had a good laugh afterward **LMAO** Dumb and dumber.

Why must I care so much about this site meeting? Because this project is my 'baby', my very first design masterpiece. I did this Sawmill Creek Restoration design in 2007, my first project after I joined the Capital Work Programming.




Downstream of the site, photo taken in winter time.

Looking upstream from the site, photo taken this morning. The contractor is working on the left bank, you can see the jersey barrier and coffer dams. And here the biologist doing the fish rescue.

She used this ring rod to electric shock the fish. They got 3 fishes. Two come thru very quickly and being release back to the creek



This guy didn't get thru as quickly as the other two, he must had hit hard by the ring. The biologist trying to revives the fish a little bit in this bucket, then release it back to the creek. Hopefully he survives. She told me, they will survive though. The bigger the fish, the longer they need to recover from the shock.


Dumb engineer heading back to the office. **Ciao, baby**

I promised Ryan to take him to zoo this weekend.

When I put him to sleep last night, he kept reminds me, "mommy, when sun comes out, mommy and bao-bao going to zoo."

Before we head to the zoo, we stop by McDonald to fill up our belly (totally against my healthy eating rule #1: stay away from fast food).

Today weather forecast is cloudy with sunny breaks, high 11. When we arrive at the zoo, people dress in winter gears: hat, mitts, scarves, boots, puffy jackets, look at ourself, we only wear sweaters and vest. I was fooled by the sunny and warm feel when I stepped outside this morning. It is indeed very chilly. Not very long, my body generate enough heat to warm myself up after pushing this 33 lbs kiddo up sloppy path. It is exhausting, however it helps burn the calories I swallowed at McDonald.

Our main purpose of this trip is to see arctic animals: polar bear, snowy owl, arctic wolf and reindeer. Last time when we were here, it was summer, we don't get to see the arctic animals due to the construction.

Teepees

The reindeers - they help pull Santa sleidge. "Where is Rudolpd the red nose reindeer, mommy?" asked Ryan.

My new obsession - Toy Watch. Admittedly, I'm not a fashion diva, but I do know my fashion trends. Toy Watch isn't just a watch, it has become an item of clothing and fashion accessory. Now that I own a total of three TW (not Tiger Wood), I can play with it, mix and match with my outfit. ^-^ love it, love it, love it! Here's my collection:

Yesterday I got my H1N1 shot. Yes, I did.
In the past three weeks, controversy surrounds H1N1 vaccine. I think the media being overblown.
I'm not so sure about the vaccine. Report shown that children under the age of six are in the high risk group. And people with chronical illness (i.e. asthma) also fall into high risk group. My only concern is Ryan, he met the two high risk category, though his asthma is very mild. Should I let him get the shot or should I not? Last week, DR. Wong offered him the vaccine, I was so confused, couldn't make up my mind. In that split second, I have to make a decision, get the shot without waiting in lines, or walk away with worries of the vaccine runs out. I chose the latter.
After much discussion with friends and family. Ryan was vaccinated on Monday. And I had mine yesterday. I don't remember when was the last time I got vaccinated. In the past 4 years, I had countless time of bloodwork in the lab. Because I have tricky veins, every time before they start drawing my blood, I have to make clear to them. If not, I will get poke a couple times.
Yesterday at my doctor office, the waiting area was flooded with people, I thought of giving up when I saw the crowd. Actually, it wasn't too bad, less than half an hour I got the shot.
I was told after the H1N1 shot, one will experience muscle sore. Before I went to bed last night, the pain started to creeps in. It hurts. I can't even sleep on my left side. It still hurts. And today I feel a lil sick after work, no fever but shiver. I covered myself with blankets yet still feel cold.

Yesterday on the way back from airport, I turned the radio to 98.1 CHFI, to my surprise, they played x'mas songs already!! I don't remember CHFI aired x'mas songs as early as November. I think it's because CHFI was the official radio station of the Santa Claus Parade.

Beginning of December, I love turning to CHFI for x'mas songs while driving alone back and forth to work. Especially Christmas shopping officially kicks off and Christmas spirit in the air.

If you'd noticed the newly added feature on my blog - you can listen to music on my blog!! My intention is to make you feel comfortable while reading my blog. Hope you like the music I picked.

Christmas is just around the corner, I will upload more Christmas songs to my playlist (hope u don't mind). Right now, there are only two songs from my favourite orchestra group - Trans Siberian Orchestra. The band's musical style incorporates progressive rock, symphonic metal and heavy metal - awesome!! It was about three years ago, I first discovered this awesome band plays "Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24" (I like to call it Carol of the Bells). The piece describes a lone cello player playing a forgotten Christmas carol in war-torn Sarajevo...

...the cello player born in Sarajevo many years ago who left when he was fairly young to go on to become a well-respected musician, playing with various symphonies throughout Europe. Many decades later, he returned to Sarajevo as an elderly man—at the height of the Bosnian War, only to find his city in complete ruins. What most broke this man's heart was that the destruction was not done by some outside invader or natural disaster—it was done by his own people. At that time, Serbs were shelling Sarajevo every night. Rather than head for the bomb shelters like his family and neighbors, this man went to the town square, climbed onto a pile of rubble that had once been the fountain, took out his cello, and played Mozart and Beethoven as the city was bombed. He came every night and began playing Christmas carols from that same spot.
It was just such a powerful image—a white-haired man silhouetted against the cannon fire, playing timeless melodies to both sides of the conflict amid the rubble and devastation of the city he loves. Some time later, a reporter traced him down to ask why he did this insanely stupid thing. The old man said that it was his way of proving that despite all evidence to the contrary, the spirit of humanity was still alive in that place...

Every time I heard this music played on CHFI, I sure crank up the volume, this music uplifts my spirit especially on a cold, dark winter morning driving to work with my sleepy eyes.

"Carol of the Bells" video clip http://ca.video.yahoo.com/watch/142870/1451710 I tried to upload here ... will try again! Take this for now.

Ho..Ho..Ho..Santa Clause is coming to town. Today is the annual Santa Clause Parade. This year marks the 105th anniversary of the Toronto Santa Claus Parade. Since 1905, the Toronto Santa Claus parade has made its way through the streets of downtown Toronto. This year weather was great - double digits, above seasonal temperature. Though it is a great festive occasion but I NEVER BEEN to the parade all these years in Toronto. There are two reasons why I never make it to this excitement event. First, it falls on Sunday - Lord's Day - we have to go to meeting. Second, on any given day, finding parking in downtown Toronto is pain-in-the-butt, let alone this special day, where most streets are closed for the parade route.
In fact, I thought of bring Ryan down to join the crowd since the weather is so good, I'm sure he's going to like it. Without Tony coming along, I can't do it, I know I will lost in the crowd...haha! Well, St. Nick, we will see you next year!!!

I was very unhappy after I left the office. On my way to pick up Ryan, my mind was filled with hatred...I hate my manager, he is an asshole (pardon my language)! He makes me feel like the least useful person in the section.
How can I be success at work? If I continue to work for him, the chances to be success is almost zero. Everyone knows if one wants to be success in our office, he gotta be an ass-licker. I fail to turn myself into one.
After 5 years working for this company, after so many attempts to get a better boss...Joe once told me, "you are not going anyway", though I still trying to prove him wrong.
After dinner, I still upset, I know I'm going in circles. I keep telling myself, I'm worthy, I'm a useful person. They didn't notice my value just yet. And I want to show them my true colors. YES, I am going to show them my true colors!!
I step back and see if the problems lie outside the box and I notice one thing: We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that positive thinking is so important. Think +ve...
Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy. When I lay my mind toward positive thinking, my spirit is being uplifted - from the bottom of the valley to the top of the mountain.

November is the time of the year when we wear a red poppy in memory of those who sacrificed their lives for us during wars. And today is Remembrance Day.

This morning, after I got in my car, I noticed my poppy wasn't on my jacket. Because I' was running late, I didn't try to find it though it might fell on the closet floor.

Last Saturday, we went to Markville Mall, Ryan needs to use the bathroom and we passed by two veterans setting up the table for selling poppies. He looked at me and says, "mommy, after washroom, can we get stickers?"

I put a toonie in the box and got a poppy. One veteran asked Ryan if he wants the poppy sticker, then I noticed this smart idea that kids get to wear poppy sticker. I love this option for kids. The problem of how to securely fasten the poppy to a garment with its straight pin is really a challenge. That's why my poppy keeps falling off.

I like this blood-red color artificial poppy, especially when you pin it on dark color coat. It's like an accessories to the outfit you wear.

At 11 hours, day 11th, month 11 - there will be a 2 minutes silence observance to honour those who lost their life in the World War. A majority of Canadians believe observing two minutes of silence on Remembrance Day should be mandatory rather than voluntary.

I'm not sure what I'm doing at that hour?

"Disappointments are like road humps, they slow you down a bit but you enjoy the smooth road afterward. Don't stay on the humps too long. Move on!" - I found this statement in my organizer notes. I believe it was written in 2001.
There are so many ups and downs in our life, smooth road is not a guarantee, knowing when to move on is essential in life.